Why do we have voids

Dear diary,

The thoughts are back. The void is calling again.

But I'm feeling calm, a sort of calm you feel with an imminent doom, how do I explain an abstract feeling? When you know it doesn't matter anymore, everything is just a passing brief moment, nothing matters, and that's totally fine.

What triggered this void, I have been giving myself lots of things to do to push this void as far back in my head as possible, but when a friend fetched me back just now, we talked about this void thing, and suddenly I found myself in that thought path again, it's like a really well dug out tunnel, and my thoughts are flows of water, and it has just been directed to the one about voids and existential crisis.

I think I can see why a lot of people don't really like to talk about this topic, it reminds them of the void, which is not a pleasant feeling at all. Also, it's pretty mind fuck. I also felt that,knowing that the void existed in a particular person, I'll feel it, like I'm talking to an empty person, I'm curious, but maybe it's better if we don't talk about it.

I read an article about how people weren't able to feel not distracted, that's why whenever there's a waiting time, it's a necessity for people to whip out their phones, they'll feel disconnected, and won't be able to stand their own thoughts. I'm glad I'm not like that, I've learned ways to cope with my own thoughts, writing it out is one of them, but sometimes words just don't quite cut it.

Why do people have voids though.

I think, in a religious perspective, we were all made by a maker, and it is in our nature to believe in a God, to believe in something. Maybe that's true. Maybe we really need to feel bigger than ourselves, there's another outer world way beyond our comprehension waiting for us, a world that's amazing and beautiful and God would be with us, when we die.

Or, it's just a side effect when our brains aren't occupied with something, everyone needs to have a function, to do something to be a part of society, to manipulate the word around them, when we stop doing that, it's like a missing function call, and, we void out.

I don't know.

Just want to be somewhere beautiful, breathtakingly unbelievably beautiful, a type of beautiful that we wouldn't have thought of until we saw it, a utopia. Colors streaking across the sky, where laughter echoes throughout the planes, the plane of golden field with no pests, cool temperature with refreshing breeze, smiles across people's faces.

It's meaningless, maybe humanity was really an abandoned project, machines without a purpose. The human brain is highly intelligent yet highly programmable and conditioned as well. Maybe, people with super memories are just databases, and, if we work together, we're a high functioning utility pack, a self sustaining high functioning utility pack, society working together.

I don't know man, it's 3.30am.