Memories of my maid
Dear diary,
I've read some psychology articles after the other big fight with SO, hopefully this will be another fight that lets us learn more about ourselves, we don't have much time together anyways, he'll be going to KL soon.
So yeah, basically what I've learned is affect dysregulation (I don't really understand this term, but basically the effect is that you wouldn't like showing your vulnerable side as it makes you look weak, which is again, caused by harsh childhood relationship with parents... I just feel like for psychology studies, whatever is wrong with you is always linked back to your parents... which is kinda boring I guess), which is caused by attachment styles formed during childhood. They say attachment styles form really early in childhood and can be seperated into 2 parts, insecure and not so secure attachment.
The securely attached child ain't afraid to express themselves without fear of further abandonment. While the insecurely attached child have 2 types: the "needy" attachment and "I don't need you anyways" attachment. In my opinion, "I don't need you" attachment isn't all that bad to be honest.
So yeah. "needy" attachment has the worse effect.
Which made me think that both of us has okay level of attachments with our parents, obviously, SO had a little of needy attachment going on, mostly due to the mother, it's not very severe, but it's okay ish I suppose.
For me I probably have the I don't need you anyways, also due to the mother, but the very mild type, I remember I was not really ignored as a child, my maid gave me the attention most of the time, and also my father. My mother do give me some but no connections was made that's for sure, she's way too preoccupied with some other things.
Yeah, I really enjoyed time with the maid, but didn't exactly feel any attachment when she left... by the end of the day she still contacted me when I was in high school, but I was experiencing major teen angst. I don't know, the way she act for me was truly like a mother, I do enjoy watching TV with her and other miscellaneous things.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/life-after-50/201909/attachment-and-intimacy
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/life-after-50/201810/traumatic-separation-and-attachment-style
I've read some psychology articles after the other big fight with SO, hopefully this will be another fight that lets us learn more about ourselves, we don't have much time together anyways, he'll be going to KL soon.
So yeah, basically what I've learned is affect dysregulation (I don't really understand this term, but basically the effect is that you wouldn't like showing your vulnerable side as it makes you look weak, which is again, caused by harsh childhood relationship with parents... I just feel like for psychology studies, whatever is wrong with you is always linked back to your parents... which is kinda boring I guess), which is caused by attachment styles formed during childhood. They say attachment styles form really early in childhood and can be seperated into 2 parts, insecure and not so secure attachment.
The securely attached child ain't afraid to express themselves without fear of further abandonment. While the insecurely attached child have 2 types: the "needy" attachment and "I don't need you anyways" attachment. In my opinion, "I don't need you" attachment isn't all that bad to be honest.
So yeah. "needy" attachment has the worse effect.
Which made me think that both of us has okay level of attachments with our parents, obviously, SO had a little of needy attachment going on, mostly due to the mother, it's not very severe, but it's okay ish I suppose.
For me I probably have the I don't need you anyways, also due to the mother, but the very mild type, I remember I was not really ignored as a child, my maid gave me the attention most of the time, and also my father. My mother do give me some but no connections was made that's for sure, she's way too preoccupied with some other things.
Yeah, I really enjoyed time with the maid, but didn't exactly feel any attachment when she left... by the end of the day she still contacted me when I was in high school, but I was experiencing major teen angst. I don't know, the way she act for me was truly like a mother, I do enjoy watching TV with her and other miscellaneous things.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/life-after-50/201909/attachment-and-intimacy
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/life-after-50/201810/traumatic-separation-and-attachment-style
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